I often see kids in my office who need a lot of control. I see those kids' parents, too. Power and control is a topic that weaves it's way through most of my weeks. Typically, parents who call me about their needing-control kid will start with:
She refuses to go to bed on time
He kicked me because I wouldn't give him what he wanted
She got in trouble for bullying at school
He had a meltdown in the middle of The Social Activity
She keeps calling me from school, saying I have to pick her up
Parents usually want me to tell them how to win the Power Game, so they can control their kid. I usually disappoint them in this regard and sometimes they move on to the Next Therapist in an effort to find someone that will help them win the Power Game. I don't believe in Power Over, but I am a firm supporter of Power With.
Kids who need control often have parents who need control. When kids fight for control, they sometimes fight dirty- screaming, kicking/hitting or causing a social scene. When parents fight for control, they sometimes fight dirty- excessively punishing, scaring/intimidating or telling the kid that he is crazy and needs therapy. The Power Game, of Who-Holds-Control, hurts everyone- both the person who is in-control, and the person who is subject-to-the-control, in the moment.
Kids want to be loved, not in control. Parents want to be respected, not controlling. I help both kids, and parents, to become aware of The Game and their positions in The Game. Not so they can play it better, but so they can both quit and win.
Humans- all humans, little and big- need control in the absence of Trust. When Trust is present- trust in ourselves, trust in our loved ones, trust in our authority figures- then Letting Go can happen. When Letting Go happens, humans rise and float with freedom, creativity and an abundance of love and joy.
If you or your person need a lot of Control... if you are knee-deep in The Power Game... if you want to be able to Let Go... I got you. Give me a call. Trust me, and Let Go.
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